January Snapshot

I'm savoring every moment with my sweet toddler Sebby. We fill our mornings with singing, puzzles, books, Little People, animals, and lots and lots of cuddles.

I've kept to my resolution to stay off the phone for almost two months now, but I haven't gotten anywhere close to some of the exercise goals I set for myself (read: I've done zero exercise).

I don't ever want the kids to look back at their childhood and associate me with a phone glued to my hand. I also feel like by devoting my mornings and early afternoon 100% to Sebby, I can focus on the big kids in the afternoon/evening and help with homework, music, projects, cooking etc. and not make them feel like they are always second in line, or constantly waiting for me.

Sebby's Portuguese has exploded in the last few weeks and seems about even with his English. He has the five of us laughing all day long with the phrases he parrots. Things come flying out of his mouth like he's been running a family for years and we all find ourselves looking at each other in amazement.

Freddy moved to an older group for tennis during the week. It finishes at 8pm, which is so so late for a 7 year old, but he gets his homework and cello done beforehand. At least that's the idea. Monday didn't quite turn out like that, but by Wednesday things were seamless. 

Zita is learning Blue Moon on clarinet as one of two pieces for the Spring concert. I can't help but sing along and poor Zita has exhausted every polite way to ask me to please not sing. 

Her biggest triumph has been keeping her room clean for three weeks. I did the initial clean up with her by breaking it down into steps, and she has kept it clean! 

I think same old same old with teenagers is a good thing, right? So everything with Mooj is same old same old. He has school, rugby, tennis, homework, sleep, repeat. Oh, and a lot of snacking and meals in between. Actually, something has changed with Mooj this month. Seb now idolizes him, and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. Seb is always going around the house calling for "mano," and climbing into his lap. Even 15 year old boys melt when their baby brother says " love you Mano." 

On Motherhood and Martyrdom

I have a post all written up on cookies, but today just doesn't feel like the day to publish it. Martyrdom is on my mind. Martyrdom and motherhood go hand in hand, and that is especially true in the lead up to Chrismtas. There are so many expectations to do a million things that it's easy to try to do everything. 

I always fall into the trap of thinking that I have to do so many things, but the truth is, almost none of it falls into the have to category. Tonight for example, I don't feel like making dinner. I spent 80% of my day in the kitchen and I'm done. I know that everyone will be fine- a night of cereal or scrambled eggs, or whatever they decide to make will keep them alive until morning. Not only that, it's good for everyone when moms have a break. I use the term break loosely here, by the way. 

On that note, I'm going to enjoy my time spent not making dinner by cuddling up here with my two little boys and the good stack of books we have on the nightstand. 

**update: Zita made the family spinach and ricotta omelettes and left a sweet note in the entry for Pai. I loved and savored every bite of my cereal that night.**

We're Back

There is a ridiculous amount to catch up on, but it is the last day of Summer with school starting tomorrow, and I want to just soak up the day, the kids, the flurry of preparation, the nerves, and the giddy excitement that goes along with it.

I'll get to Sebby's accident, the hospital pictures, and the details- good and bad- when I can.

Here's the last picture I took of our angelic baby before he was burned. I couldn't look at it without sobbing until this morning. His face looks good today. He's smiley. We're all together, and life is good.

I feel nothing but gratitude. 

Crazy Crazy

Every week feels crazier and busier than the week before. I always say things like, "as soon as the holidays are over, things will calm down," or " as soon as the kids are in (or out!) of school, things will calm down," or " as soon as we get all of these appointments out of the way, things will calm down."

 I must be a little slow, because it has taken me until Seb is 7 months old to realize that things will never calm down. Not ever. As in, things will always be hectic with 6 schedules, sports and activities that require more driving and spectating and shopping for shoes with each coming year, and laundry that magically goes into the hamper as one outfit, but goes through a multiplication process while I sleep and turns into 4 outfits per day per person (seriously, WHAT is going on with the amount of clothes that show up to be washed?).

The supremely good news is that we have a trip booked to the States. So all of this running around is for a good reason. Until I get all of the essentials squared away, like passports, getting my IRS FBAR forms filed, and everything else that comes along with the last weeks

of school, I can't spend my time on elaborate blog posts, or anything else for that matter. 

* just as I was hitting post, i got a call to sign Zita and Moojie up for a tennis tournament on the 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd. We are over committed 4 times over on those days, but maybe it could work for   Moojie.

 Things will calm down as soon we get to the States :-)

Always Room For One More...

...on Mummy's lap. The big kids both had plans last night so it was just the four of us. I wish I could bottle up the feeling of two sons cuddled up asleep against me. I wouldn't dream of life getting better than this.

Getting in the Picture

I read this article in the Huffington Post a while back, and the blogosphere was abuzz with mothers like myself commenting on how they too never get in the picture.

Based on our photo albums from 1998-2011, the children look like they have been raised by Vasco bouncing back and forth between the farm, the beach, and travelling the world. While Vasco certainly does his part in raising the children, I like to think that I've done a fair bit of mothering myself.

Freddy is the most enthusiastic photographer, which doesn't always provide the most flattering angle.  Gracious I hope this double-chin-at-certain-angles thing in new. Some things were best left out of the picture, but the point in all of this is to capture what mothering on a day-to-day basis is really like, and if that includes double-chins, bad hair, and messy backgrounds in order to remember the sweet stuff, so be it.

I let a friend taller than Freddy in on my new intention to get in the picture and she graciously took a few pictures with my phone.

Heaven is pressing my cheek against Sebby's and just squeezing away. Not sure sure that's his idea of heaven based on his worried expression.

School Morning Scramble

 I was certain that adding a baby to our family would mean we wouldn't manage to get everyone going and out the door on time. Instead of slowing us down, Seb has had the opposite effect. Where there was grumpiness, there is now a line for extra cuddles, and where there were crossed arms over this and that, there's now a quick kitchen waltz. It's always a scramble no matter what, but now we have this sweet gorgeous huggable lovey to give us all a little cheer before we start our day.

Sleepy Seb sees off his big brother before school. 

 Zita decides to fill a few minutes of free time with ball room dancing before she's ushered into the car.

Slowing Down

It's funny how having a new (can I still say "new?") baby reframes what constitutes a busy day for me.

Today I get to meet a friend for morning coffee, buy clothes for a 1 year old baby for Banco do Bebe, get 3 teacher gifts, and then swing by the music school on my way home to pay for clarinet lessons since I'm now 4 days late in paying for December. This is all in addition to the daily cooking, cleaning, school pick-up, tennis, and homework routine.

Without a baby in tow, I could get that all done before lunch, and then use the extra time before pick-up to get the house in order and dinner organized. Now errands such as these are at the mercy of Sebby's mood and it can all feel so daunting. I can hope for a sleepy and not-so-hungry Sebby, but I'm willing to bet it will take all day, and a good chunk will be spent stopping to nurse Sebby in the car on the side of the road, or holding him in one arm and pushing the stroller with the other.

Not being able to fit everything in is why so many moms don't love this newborn phase. I've gotten around that problem by learning to unapologetically tell people "no" when things can't be done.

Having a baby has made our family do only those things that are absolutely essential, instead of getting lost in the fray of Christmas hustle and bustle. We are spending more time at home, just the six of us, which is just the way it should be at Christmas time. I think we could all use a little newborn mode during the holidays to slow down and be with those we love.

Siblings

Lately it might seem from this blog that I have only one little baby boy. It's true that my days and nights do center around this little baby boy- temporarily- but let me assure you that his big brothers and sister are very much part of baby care, and I'm still embedded in all things to do with the big kid´s lives.

Our room is the only room in the house with the heat on max so Zita and Freddy have busied themselves on the floor around our bed doing homework, painting, drawing, playing, reading, and keeping me company. Of course there is a lot of cuddling-up-in-bed-and-hold-the-baby time as well.

Sebby tore off his own belly button with his leg, so we had a 4 person team to give him his first bath at home. These two are so sweet with their brother. For the record, Sebby hated his bath

This white board has been carted all over the house. It keeps getting re-decorated and put in new spots.

Mooj has been a rock star helper. He´s been filling in on a lot of Pai's normal duties while Pai fills in for me, on top of work and everything else. Everyone here has been shocked that we are getting by with no cleaning, babysitting, or outsside help of any kind, and my answer to that is always "we have three internal helpers." We've also had very generous meal drop-offs from friends.

Zita jumped right in for a diaper change when he was just hours old in the hospital.

Freddy is doing "This Little Piggy Went to Market" on Sebby's fingers.

I think Zita got at least two years older and grew two inches in the last week ( I think Mooj did too!). Suddenly they all seem so grown up. The biggest change in both Zita and Freddy has been their independence level in the morning. Can I get a hallelujah?

I told Freddy a "secret" in the hospital that newborns love skin-to-skin contact. Freddy now nuzzles his still baby soft cheek against Sebby´s when he holds him. He is so careful, proud, and earnest in his new role as big brother.

It's so sunny today that the water looks golden from my bedroom window. I think golden is the absolute perfect word to describe these days as a new family of 6.

Up Close Look at Sebby Bear

We had what I consider to be another great night last night. He gave us one 4 hour stretch, which is all we can ask for. I don't begrudge that he peed on me, or that I had to change his PJs three times, or my own twice (pee, spit up). Any baby that will give me a little REM sleep is entitled to as many PJ changes as he wants.

It was the kid's school picture day yesterday and Freddy went dressed in Zita's sweater from first grade. What is it with our family sending our boys to school is miniscule sweaters on school picture day?? I have no idea how Zita's hair was, but I can only imagine. Mooj went to school today without his gym bag and today is the big physical evaluation test for PE. The kitchen looks like a search warrant was issued, and I haven't left my yoga pants. Despite all this, we continue to live on a cloud of newborn bliss.

Check out the tray that Zita delivered to my bed after school. There is a strong tray gene in our family.

She baked the cookies herself.
and the tray delivered to my bed in the morning by a friend

Good Morning Little One

While the world watched the US election news coverage, you slumbered happily between your Mummy and your Pai for 4 straight hours.

We can't believe you're finally here. You're just a perfect soft little bundle who was destined to join our family. Pai got some good eyes open alert time with you this morning before he got your three siblings ready and off to school, and then headed for work.

It's just me, my little baby Seb, a well stocked night stand, a warm cozy room, and these best best days of doing the newborn dance. Oh boy are we in love.

He's Arrived!

At 7:30 on Sunday morning, we finally got to meet our perfect little bundle. I have lots and lots of pictures to upload and updates to write when I get home. But now he's snuggled in my arms, it's peaceful and dark in my room, and I just want to enjoy these newborn moments while they last.

Stats:
3400 grams
52 cm

38 Weeks- Outie Time

 My belly button is certainly calling out for attention these days.

Here I am just before walking out the door to the hospital this morning. It's all very well to have bags packed, and lots of plans discussed, but not actually bringing the bags and not having any of the plans finalized meant a great wave of panic struck when the Dr. mentioned I might need to be induced today.

 Lots of cozy, albeit boring time in this chair, a few blood tests, and an ultrasound later, and I was on my way just in time for the school run.

I just want to share another example of classic Portuguese commentary before I settle into a cup of tea with crumble. The nurse setting up the fetal monitor asked me if it was my first baby (you know I love that) and when I said it was my fourth, she replied "Four?!? Are you crazy? Everything is so bad in this country right now. That's too many children!" 

I just smiled.

Full Term!

I had my full-term 37 week check-up today and all looks great with baby boy #4. The biggest shock of all is his size. He's not a large 8-9 lb (+-4 kg) baby, he's a normal baby. I was so alarmed by this, and went as far as to question his health, my amniotic fluid levels, whether he has the chord positioned badly, anything at all that would explain his normal size. Everything was fine- the doctor measured and re-measured everything and it kept showing a small baby. There could still be some fattening up in the last weeks, but even so, he won't be a Freddy.

This is of course after I armed myself with only 3 month+ clothes and nothing for newborns, but in life's grander scheme, that's really nothing a little rolling of the sleeves won't solve. 

Being there in the hospital and talking through what to do when I go in to labor just made me giddy with excitement for this baby to finally arrive. I haven't really let myself think too much about the fun and cuddly stuff. I've mostly just been focused on the practical preparations of getting everyone else ready. Today, however, I was daydreaming about those first days of nuzzling a newborn and I'm now so so ready. Except I'm not because I still have to charge my camera, find the Flip Video, print and fill out a million US Embassy forms, get a phillips head screw driver and tighten one last screw on the crib, put snacks, gum, and mints in my hospital bag, and oh yeah- settle on a name.

I'll get a belly shot up tomorrow.

More Baby Prep

Another post geared towards female
Family members and die hard baby people. Everyone else can just ignore.

The hospital I'll deliver in has a very specific and long list of things to pack. I've never stressed too much about what to bring since so many people come to visit and would be all too happy to grab something I forgot. With my contractions getting stronger to the point where if I'm walking, I'll stop and wait it out, I decided to throw some baby clothes into a suitcase, just in case, but I only got as far as the clothes.

Doing the baby laundry was the highlight of my week. I know all too well that these cute little things will be *fragrant* gym clothes and school uniforms in no time so I'm just going to savor every minute I have with these soft and minuscule cottons.

Anyone who knows me, knows that big zip-loc bags for packing purposes are at the top of my what-makes-me-happy list, so when I read the hospital's web site requesting that all of baby's outfits be separated into zip-loc bags, I just knew this was the hospital for me.

It's late in the game, but Pai and
I are just starting to feel like this might actually happen, and all of these appointments, insurance papers,Tupperware full of baby clothes, and perhaps the large crib at the foot of our bed, might all be because in as few as two weeks, we'll be looking at our third big baby boy.

So here it is in all its glory- I hereby present my official baby bag.

Things I Want to Remember

I haven't done one of these posts for ages so it's about time I capture the happenings of these first weeks of school.

Sticker mania has swept Portugal, and Miss Zita is caught up in the craze. She very earnestly made lots of homemade stickers last night after I said she had to work for and earn new ones. I'm using this to my advantage and requiring one full week of car rides without complaints before I'll buy her stickers. Have I ever documented that the flood gates of sorrow open up every time we get in the car? Well they do.

Mooj has double the homework load this year and it actually seems easier for him to stay on top of too much work than a bit of homework here and a bit of studying there.

It has been so intensely damp lately that every morning when we step outside, a sweet smell of salt water and Fall ushers us to the car.

A deep fog horn bellows, which I love, but that gets the neighborhood dogs howling, which I don't love so much.

Freddy still loves all things first grade, and is just an open tap of flowing joy.

I long to cuddle this mystery baby boy during the day, but nights are hard and busy, making me wish we could just keep baby in until after Christmas. Just last night I was quizzing Moojie for a test, while Zita kept begging for synonyms of words I hadn't heard of, while Freddy called from the next room that I "never" help make welcome signs for Pai. I can't quite figure out how a fussy baby will fit into our nights. A quiet baby, sure, but a colicky baby, no way.

By 8 pm, my head hits Freddy's pillow for reading time, Zita settles into her own book, and Mooj is either in his room doing homework or in the sala doing homework.

Like the Northern Lights, Pai sightings are rare but treasured. We are all hoping things will ease up at work so we can have him back.

30 Weeks

This was a week to forget. I compare this stage to that mid-way point in a long-haul flight when one feels like the flight has been going for days, and the little map pops up showing the plane over Greenland. My very bad no good cold turned into a very annoying old man cough. Poor Pai has gotten a glimpse of life with an 80 year old me; sleep problems, complaints about aches and pains, big ankles, and a persistent cough and nose blowing routine are, I'm sure, all very charming.

I had my regular check-up today that showed a still big and healthy boy. He moves with such vigor that the kids all love to just watch from across the table as my belly moves and thumps away. I have endless contractions throughout the day, but nothing to raise the alarm about, and never more than 4 per hour.

I got the insurance pre-authorization papers sorted and made a mental note to step up my non-existent baby prep. Miss Zita on the other hand, worked through the morning on a welcome home from the hospital sign, and started browsing first birthday card ideas since November 2013 is right around the corner. I thought that I was a planner. Zita can pretty much out plan anyone, except maybe my mom.

Woe Is Me, But Not Really

I started to get sick on Thursday night, but thought I would just beat it with positive thoughts. By Saturday I couldn't get out of bed with nothing more serious than a very bad no good cold that made my head throb with every small movement.

This coincided with a crazy time for Pai at work so he worked late Friday and through the weekend. I reverted to what I call Meth Mom Mode,
which is essentially just letting the kids fend for themselves.

It's hot outside. My body is swollen and big and achy. The kids wanted something to do, and I had just shot myself in the foot by physically removing the TV from the house. We made it through the weekend with Moojie taking the kids on mini outings to the store, lots of books, mandatory house-wide rest time, and going through the house's stock of
cereal. It's days like these when I want to be home ( in California) the most. Sometimes a girl needs her village and even though my heart is here, my village will always be in San Francisco.

Moojie's Birthday in Photos

I don't know when the Dairy Milk tradition started, but the siblings always give the birthday boy a Dairy Milk on his birthday. The socks had cash stashed inside and I talked it up as his "big present" so he had to put on his best diplomatic face when he saw the white gym socks wrapped up. The cash is for his own home weight lifting bench and weight set. I think with four strapping boys in the house it will get plenty of use over the years.

 Moojie's idea of an early morning wake-up was 9am, which meant plenty of time to get signs up and presents displayed at the foot of our bed. I have no photos of our crepes with Nutella breakfast as I left my camera upstairs and my 29 week bump means there is no dashing anywhere to get things, never mind up all those stairs.

 Mr. Freddy was a little more excited about the birthday than Moojie was. Despite the obvious legs below the sign, Mooj played along and said " I wonder where Freddy could be. Hmmm. He's not in here. Freeeeddddyyy! Where are you?" 14 is not too old to do cute things for a little brother I guess.

Surprise! Love that Freddy in his jammies.

Pai went off to work and I took the kids out for lunch and ice cream. I pulled a 4 year old move and sent my ball of pistachio ice cream flying through the air. Freddy instinctively reached out and caught it in his left hand in a crazy ninja-like move. 

Below is the little house by the water where Mooj had his actual party at night. Freddy, Zita and I went down and did last minute prep while Moojie and his friends hung out at the beach.  That is a candy still in the wrapper if you're wondering what is in Freddy's mouth.

 We the parents spent a good 5 minutes at the actual party, which was long enough to light the candles and sing happy birthday. I wish I had more pictures, but I had better sense than to push my luck.

The contrast between Mooj's expectations and Zita's were stark. I store bought his cake and dinner was pizza delivery.  I bought soda, chips, and candy and that was it. I tried to get Zita to take notes on the whole simplicity theme, but it didn't sink in and she's now planning her 10th birthday in full force. 

Overall, it was a super birthday and I can't wait to see what this next year of Moojie's life brings. 

28 Weeks

24 pounds and 28 weeks in, I feel at my maximum capacity. The heat of the Alentejo isn't helping either. Freddy has even pointed out that his baby brother "is out of space."

We haven't made any name progress other than to rule out suggestions made by other people, but Zita has been organizing clothes and nesting right along with me.