Adolescence

I was all geared up to post our weekly menu when I saw this article in the Huffington Post on adolescenes. A mother laments the growing distance between her and her son and mentions that he "barks orders for money, slams doors, curses under his breath, and lists the things he hates." The sentiment is that all this bad behavior and distance is an inevitable part of this phase in the mother son relationship.  It's not inevitable at all! Respect and kind behavior are developed throughout childhood, and I'm certain that a child given the right foundation doesn't just turn 13 and lose every ounce of courtesty and good form they've ever been taught in life .

I can't imagine Moojie slamming a door, or barking anything at me. We talk about his day, his friends, and his life, and he would never, ever, talk back in the constant way the author describes. If Moojie wants money, he'll ask to clean the car, or mow the lawn. We have established money chores around here so the money is always there for them, if they're willing to work for it. I so hate to be judegy ( ok part of me loves it) , but we reap what we sow in a big way when it comes to our children.

I think that our children grow away from us if we aren't willing to change along with them. Do I drag Mooji along fabric shopping, or make him sit and watch TLC with me? No. 'Cause you know that's all full time moms do, right? I grab an eiderdown and sidle up to watch a little Indian Well tennis or National Geographic with him, read and learn about what he is covering in science, take an interest in the books he likes, and adapt to life with a teenager. I pick my battles in a big way, and praise praise praise the things I am proud of.

What I love so much about the big boys at Moojie's school, and every single young adult I've ever met in Portugal,  is that every single one, regardless of school behavior, crosses the threshold of our front door and immediately knows how to greet the adults, makes polite conversation, gives the requisite kisses, offers to help with dinner, clears his plate afterwards, and says his pleases and thank yous with sincerity. It's like they've all gone through a Disneyland boot camp of friendliness and courtesy.

I guess my very long winded message here is that it doesn't have to be the way the author describes. Start young and nip those eye rolls, door slams, and unreasonable demands in the bud. Zero tolerance is the name of the game. Oh, and never ask "how was your day?" in the car ride home from school. Wait until dinner time!